poem with an explanation

In sleep-
i find thoughts i hide in wake
In wake-
i think of what i hide in slumber
The in between keeps thoughts in position
Ignite the piston
For the brain never truly lets it's lids down

Of a recent narcotics spreee in which i'm writing my first book (for serious this time fellas)i have found that the feelings i cling so deeply to, that i appreciate so much - that in thier absence is something great too - numbness.
But at then, the point to ask yourself; to ask myself:
the thing so kind about the numbness is the fact that we are able to compare it to the pain of the depths of the things we so greatly take for granted. i will never want to become some numbed narcotic addict, i simply want to write a book.
Like all writers do. A book for people to understand, a book for people to say, "yes, i too am that person at times".
Because between the numbness and the deep penetrating feelings that i've lived with for so long, the greater is the fact that i'm able to feel so much.
the numbness is simply a sleep for my thoughts, the point of the poem.
I need a break from my thoughts. not that i don't love them, i never want them to leave me but, just because you love your family doesn't mean you want to be around them all the time.
I accept the judgement and the hypocricy that have so kindly brandished before ye all. But if you too, are a thinker, you'll be kind enough to sympathize with the pain of a brain that never sleeps.
And the nap is a long needed companion.
My happiness lies in the fact that i am able to understand that i can feel so much becaues the narcotics numb them out so much. It's like being in the black and white but knowing that the colors are greater, just a bit too bright sometimes.
I hope that helps a bit - my ramblings are a bit incoherent at times.

And as a side note: unless you're battered by your thoughts constantly, stay away from all narcotics, that's the best advice i have. Becaues unless you truly love and appreciate your thoughts, you will become addicted and it's a sad place to be without all the wonderful things we're truly capable of feeling.

Time to enjoy life :)