this is how i SEE music.

"Emperor" by Beethoven still remains my most beloved piece of music ever composed. I've written about this one song more times than i care to count and yet, it never seems to change, never seems to get tiresome. The feeling of euphoria and sadness wrapped in it's harmonies never falters inside of me. i love music so much i cry from it's passion. I do, i cry because it loves me back to the depths of which i love it. The beauty of my gift with words is that i'm able to explain the beauty of other's gifts. Like Beethoven. No music has ever talked to me the way his does. I have cried in communication with his harmonies and have felt love to depths of which i can not describe. I have loved music more than i have ever loved any human being for it does not judge, only comforts. And it's always been there. Nothing has ever understood me like music or empowered me like muisc. My appreciation for life has derived from music.
If i could allow you to glimpse in to my mind, surely you'd see how beautiful all things are. How wonderful life is but, i can not. This silly blog shows nothing, my real thoughts remain hidden in journals and scraps of paper saved in boxes but mostly, it's all in my mind. In things i see and hear, in beautiful and awful things i bear witness to. It's all painted on some invisible canvas that you could never truly see. I wish... i wish i could just say the wonderful things i think and feel and be taken seriously but, it seems no one is ever willing to listen. Not in a self-pity way but, in a basic observation of the majority of the human body being self-centered. It's okay. :)
This is my gift:
"Emperor" by Beethoven is exactly 7 minutes and 31 seconds long. The first time i heard the song, time elapsed mental images of life from the beginning of time until buildings and traffic and iphones flew past me. But in a form not derived from sadness. This one piece of music mocks the greatest feelings of passion, sadness, joy and anger and pulls you in each of those directions at once. It mocks life in it's short lived beauty. Of being up and down and confused and even matches a point in life of a feeling of perfection. The whole song builds up to a 10 seconds window which employs all of those emotions at once. But it's so cleverly done to match something to which i truly cannot describe. It's love but, of all things, not for a single person.
Through minutes 5:08-5:18, something happens in your chest and slowly washes over your entire body. Every emotion to it's extreme runs in your veins but, it feels euphoric. To understand a meaning beyond words, to understand harmonies in a language you can't reply in. To understand life in harmonies. That's what it does.
You live your whole life for one moment; one moment you build up inside of yourself and once you reach it; it feels like those 10 seconds. What rests before it is only what took it to get there and nothing will ever be as beautiful afterwards. It's life mashed down into 7 minutes and 31 seconds with 10 seconds of perfection. And stretched across a wider scale of say, of 80 years, that's about what it amounts to.
The song is so simple yet it's "words" so complex. How do you do that? How did he, a deaf man, understand life in that language and then explain it so beautifully?
My gift is in words but i understand that language much better.