How the hell do people do this?

Is there some secret i'm missing when it comes to men and women?
All of these years, i've studied up on man-code and learned how to participate in what they do just to be around them because i like men, they're interesting and fascinating. But here i've found the one i can't quite understand. The one i can't bombard with questions, the one that isn't like all the other ones or much like me for that matter. Part of me rejoices while the other part scratches it's head in frustration. It's like a complicated math problem. Add here, subtract there, whoops, erase this, multiply this, divide that until the scramble of numbers and letters and random punctuations are all so deeply encoded you just throw your hands up. The problem with women is that we're all helpers. We all want to find a problem so we can fix it. We never think that we can be the problem because we're constantly trying to help fix a problem. The problem with men is that they don't want help. We're constantly trying to construct them in to creatures we can co-exist with thinking all along that's what they want but, it's not. They just want to be left alone, only to dabble in the realm of affection with their mate when it suits them.
It's hard to accept that this is how life works. How people in general work. No one is right and no one is wrong, we're simply doing what's best for our individual selves, right? So why do we invest so much time and effort in to our relationships? Each companion trying to help shape the other one in to a suitable creature?
Has anyone ever found a perfect someone?
Here i am, always talking about how much i love flaws until i realize that i'm deeply wounded by some of them. How do we not take things personally in our personal relationships?
How the fuck does this all work?