I'm in that strange realm of confusion and bravery. A wooded area that you keep venturing though even though the trees are getting thicker and the sunlight stops peeking though their leaves. I can feel my courage faltering - watched all of my hopes for new adventure shatter around me and bleed reality. My eyes burn from all of these miserable colors - the alone feeling that feels like lead on my chest. And action has been replaced by the default defense of hiding inside of myself. But even my mind has sided with confusion and whatever bravery i have is stemming from something i'm not aware of inside of myself. I can't really explain what's happening but, old habits die hard and welcome back observation. So basically, i'm watching myself fall in to this pit of memories and feelings i thought i'd long ago forgotten - that i'd forgiven and said "to hell with - can't change that".
But apparently, the caves of your memory still manage to drink sunlight sometimes and you're left to sift though the wreckage your nagging will can't compete with.
The fight inside of me shed it's armor and joined forces with it's opponent. So here i am, horribly incomplete. And i can't find room to be myself. Yeah, i'm a bit dramatic but explain that to the chaos of your thoughts; rationality packed it's bags and flew the coop so i'll just sit here. Stoop kid. Watching everything happen around me. What is this place?
Like all of my battles, i'll duel until the death - scrape the bottom of my courage until my fingers bleed. And this is my life. Undoubtably, it could be worse so, i know i'll be alright. But until then, here i am, stuck in the static.
So, the question that i'll be answering the next few weeks/months - perhaps year; What is bravery and does it exist inside of me?
And if not bravery, then what keeps me fighting?
What keeps everyone fighting?
No comments:
Post a Comment