Why do we always find ourselves outside of ourselves at the most crucial times? Being strong comes with facing challenges head-on when you're weak. It's all so cliche but, not giving up is part of wearing the badge of bravery. But, it's getting harder. You find that a lot of your bravery comes with having allies. So, does this make me stronger, for having one strong ally to stand behind each battle? Unfortunately, for me, i do need the support of at least one person, for confirmation purposes at the very least. Does this make my trust in myself weaker? Perhaps it's just age. I don't even know anymore, whatever colors are around me have all blended in to a neutral brown and everything just looks like shit. But there's still Matt, who stands by me and my far-away friends, who still love me. I know i will be okay, i just hate when i feel this weak. Still fighting = bravery but, i still feel like i'm a piece of shit for even losing ground. But, the benefit of being atheist means i believe there is no anything that really fits in to any mold. So doesn't this make me human? All to human? To be confused and frustrated and disappointed and at times, weak?
This is it. This is what i have.
I know i'm still brave but hopefully i'll feel it again very soon.
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