Trying to ween myself from a 9 year smoking habit, i find that little things actually do irritate me :/
My boyfriend being of them. I'm so tired of wasting so much mental time on him. I'm not even getting paid for the overtime.
I have so many wonderful qualities and i genuinely like who i am and i'm strong and idependent, so what gives?
My physical journal is like mental torment and my guitar is bringing no comfort. My music, though comforting, just isn't making the cut.
I feel like i should be curled up in a bathroom somewhere drunk and doing heroin or coke. Only because that's how lost i feel, not because i actually have any desire to do that.
Rose is in California until next week and i miss her so much. I can't even imagine what i'm going to do without her when i move to Arizona.
Does life always hurt this bad when it's really happening?
I'm ready to pass this milestone and make it to my next stable footing. This rock is wearing thin and i'm about to crash in to the ocean. I don't know how i'm holding myself so strong, i just keep focusing and giving myself those awful pep talks and keep finding the positive in everything and you know, it's not hard but it sure takes alot of energy.
Sigh.
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