Hi, my name's Whitney and I'm a "-holic" of some sort

What is it about being in a relationship that makes women so miserably crazy? I'm so tired of being hung up on this. Why can't i just find room for myself and be happy? I hate that i let this plague me so dreadfully. I'm well beyond a point where my heart won't be damaged if something happens. So what now? Why am i clutching this like it's my last breath? I am a whole person outside of this and i can't seem to remember that, EVER. And i'm a great person outside of it. I have everything i want. What is it about love that's so addicting? It's like chocolate, like cigarettes, like alcohol. It's a different kind of high. Everything is a high and all i wanna do is be sober. Just wash myself of everything and not know this awful feeling. When does it get better?